waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Time is flying at the speed of light. I'm barely even able to keep track of the dates anymore. I kind of just want it to stop, or at least slow down for a bit.

My thoughts are scattered about. None of them are linking together whatsoever; I just have so many random thoughts floating around that make no sense. I kind of hate moods like this. I'd much rather be able to make sense of what I'm thinking, or even keep track of it, for that matter.

I'm beginning to realize that things are probably not going to get better, for a while, anyway. Rather than praying for them to improve, I think maybe I'll just start praying for strength. I don't know. I'm confusing myself lately. So much time home is throwing my mental stability out of sorts.

I've really got to get my sleep schedule normal, well actually no; I've got to develop a sleep schedule in general.

My fingers are currently hideous because of my outrageously frustrating habit. I can not seem to stop biting my nails no matter how hard I try. It's such a stupid habit and I can't seem to break it. My nail polish is always chipping because of it, too. :[

I think I'm going to watch Comedy Central, since I found my remote today.


Confession: Sometimes I really believe I'll never completely figure myself out.

Currently listening to:
Pink Floyd - Time

think about the good things no matter what they say

As the bright sun glares through my window, cramps and all, I sit here happily.
The birds seem happy, too, chirping in the nice cool, calm air.
I can feel that today is going to be a good day. I'll make damn sure of it.

I'll admit, I'm actually upset about Thomas' season being one game away from over. At the beginning of the season, I didn't care much for baseball. Now, only a little less than two months later, I've actually really started to like it and enjoy watching it. I no longer think his hobby is boring, and I actually love seeing him in his uniform with a smile on his face.

So many happy thoughts are floating around my mind and I can't pick which ones to take note of. I'm feeling excited. I can't pinpoint exactly whatfor; I think it's mostly just life. I'm excited for school, in a way, because I'm deadset on making this my year to prove to myself how much I'm capable of. I'm excited for my birthday, as well. I'm looking forward to getting my permit, even if I don't have a car; I kind of see it as another form of independence. I'm just so stoked for so many things.

I never want this mood to go away.



Confession: I believe our love will conquer the world and take us incredible places.

Currently listening to:
Butch Walker - Take tomorrow

august needs to

Take a chill pill and slow down, seriously.
Though I'm excited in a way for a new school year and a new beginning, I'm not ready for ten months of hard work just yet.

I don't know why exactly, but I'm feeling stressed again. I think I need a day to just chill and relax; a day to lay in bed and watch funny movies or something.



Confession: It's getting harder and harder;
I'm scared I can't do it on my own.

i just wanted to say,

that I am on top of the world.

happy monday.

I've been quite into horoscopes recently. I've noticed that they're at least partially true for me about ninety percent of the time. I wish I understood where they came from and what they really mean. Maybe I'll look into it.

I still have some leftover butterflies from Saturday. It was a perfect day. I'm so happy I decided to get over my ridiculous dancing fear and just dance with him, it was fantastic. He's fantastic. I just feel so right with his family, like I'm supposed to be there. I'm so lucky.

With only a month of summer remaining, I realize how much I've got left to do. Well, kind of. I cut my bangs last night and I'm pretty sure I like them. If I decide otherwise, well, that's why man made bobby pins and headbands. I'm going to get some more clothes tomorrow, and I'm going to do more shopping again within the next few weeks also, so I'm not overly concerned about clothes. I definitely want to get my tattoo the week before school starts, so that way it has time to heal and I won't be uncomfortable writing.

I'm happy.
:]


Confession: I like McDonalds apple pies a bit too much.

Currently listening to:
Fabolous ft. The Dream - Throw It In The Bag

maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away

Up, down; Up, down; Up, down. Even at a high point, like now, I can't say I'm thrilled about this insane emotional roller coast I've been on. I'm happy, I'm sad; I want to live, I want to die. I'm confusing.

Yay for block parties, though.
:]



Confession: I'm a walking contradiction.

Currently listening to:
Aerosmith - Dream On

fly away

I want to rip my skin off and break free; I want to just run as far as I can. I feel weak. This sucks.



Confession: I wish things were different.

though the days were never dull

Words are not coming easily this evening. My chest kind of hurts; I don't know why. I'm growing more and more excited for moving out of here in less than two years. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't.

For some bizzarre reason I feel a bit stressed. I don't even know if I have anything to be stressed about. I don't know much anymore, the days are kind of drifting by with emotions that absolutely contradict each other.




Confession: I wish I was stronger.

Currently listening to
Finger Eleven - One Thing

secrets.

self torture

For real. Not sure why I do it, but I always seem to. I'd probably be pleasantly sleeping right now if it weren't for my brilliant idea to take a three hour nap.

On an even more negative note, the fact that I don't really care about how religion shaped the colonies doesn't matter because I still have to write an essay about it. I hope that everyone in the class except me gives up on these stupid summer assignments and I win some serious points for doing them or something.

Summer needs to chill and slow down a bit. I don't want August to get here, cause then that means it's almost September. No bueno.

To avoid making this completely world's smallest violin worthy, I suppose a drop of humor wouldn't hurt.



Goodnight.

and everybody will ask what became of you

I've been on adventure lately. I'm on an adventure to discover something great, something absolutely mind blowing. I'm going to discover something worth finding, something absolutely beautiful in all the best ways. Myself.



I know they say it takes people until they're well past their teens to truly create themselves, but since I've got some time to go before then I think I'm just going to work on the foundation: my teenage self. Summer always does this to me. I've always tried to search for what I wanna be, but in the end it somehow ends up just mirroring someone else. This time, luckily, is different. I'm feeling somewhat successful with this, though I've still got a bit left to go.



I'm getting better with opening up, however I think I need to expand that beyond one person. Of course, he'll always get to get the whole story and know everything, but perhaps things would be better for me if I weren't so closed off. I'd always been open about all the wrong things. I think I have some stuff to work on.



I'm glad I had the guts to bring stuff up. I've realized I really do need to start giving my all. I have been today, as a start, and it's already feeling a ton better.

Happiness is coming naturally to me today. It actually has been lately. I'm improving at filtering my emotions and deciding what's worth getting upset over and what's not.

I love life. I really do.
I have great things in store for me, you'll see.

Currently listening to:
Death Cab For Cutie - Grapevine Fires

scream your heart out

Have you ever sat back and really analyzed people? Regardless of how much people really all seem the same, they're not. Their books may have almost the same cover, and their content may flow similarly, but if you look deep into every word of each chapter they each have their own story. I want to read someone's story. Not just little chapter summaries from sparknotes, I want to read the entire story from cover to cover. Maybe they can read mine, too.



I often wish I could drive.
I just want to go away somewhere.
Not forever, not even for long, just for a bit.
Just drive and drive until I don't know where I am anymore.
Just see what else there is out there.
Venture into the places I've yet to explore.



I'm desperate for something new. I'm really not sure what, just something. I just need the feeling of doing something different. I just need to live a bit.




I want to fly away.


I want to experience all that there is out there for me.


I want to be free

Currently listening to:
The Medic Droid - Fer Sure

i'm alive

Though my leg hurts to the point where walking is nearly impossible,
my AC doesn't like to make my room cold anymore,
and I really need to exercise,
I feel on top of the world. Life's good.



Currently listening to:
Linkin Park - New Divide

dreaming in digital

Have you ever listened to a song and felt exactly the way you did the first time you heard it?
It's kind of weird how a simple song can do that;
just a few sloppy chords on an old acoustic guitar can completely bring back feelings you thought were obselete many months ago.
Who ever knew all it took to spiritually relive your favorite memories were a few simple songs?



My mind is quite the adventurous one this morning.



Currently listening to:
10 Years - Wasteland