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Monday, November 30, 2009

bubblybubblybubbly

I made a Tumblr! http://xamountofwords.tumblr.com
Let's see how long until I abandon it :p I'm not even sure why I made one, actually. I think I like it because that's where I can just express my mind using pictures and quotes rather than as much text..I mean, I can use text, but this is more for a text type of thing.

ANYWAY, I'm having pasta really soon. I smell it and I'm excited for it. I love pasta.

Here's why I'm excited today:
- Cultural exchange tomorrow, ftw!
- I'm facing 25 days of lovely Christmas season
- Christmas break is soon
- I'm buying Christmas cards soon
- Pasta and HOMEMADE GARLIC BREAD
- My shampoo smells really nice, can't wait to shower
- I get to miss English and Physics tomorrow

lalala. :]

I have twenty-three people to make cards for. I'm excited since I'm kind of taking the easy way out; at least I'm sure they'll look nice.




Let's write a fairytale, just you and I.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

welcome to where time stands still;

I'm making it my goal to write more. This blog has become completely thoughtless, it's pathetic.
There's a resolution for 2010: write every single day--whether it be one book long or one sentence long, I will write each and every day.

I think I like where things are.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

tonight

Was absolutely positively amazing. How in the world did I get so god damn lucky?

Things really do work out in the end.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

one year

I can not believe I have finally made it to a year with someone. The perfect part is that I made it with Thomas. I give him props, I couldn't put up with me for a year. I can't wait for Saturday.

Thanksgiving gets me upset. Last year I managed; I was with about twenty people. But just having the three of us will make me sad, with that empty chair that she always used to fill.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

awareness weekend 13

Awareness Weekend 13 was my first awareness weekend, and it was even more amazing than I expected it to be. Throughout the weekend, not only did I get to know my peers more, I got to know myself more at the same time. I gained a whole new perspective on so many things, and I learned so many lessons that I couldn't have possibly learned anywhere else all in 32 hours.
The guest speakers that we had this weekend were amazing. Hearing their stories made me really appreciate everything that I have and taught me to stop taking things for granted. Each guest speaker had such a powerful story to tell and each one really touched me. I also learned from them that one bad move can truly affect me for my entire life.
The parts of this weekend that had the greatest impact on me were student panel, cross the line, and community sharing. When student panel began, I saw four familiar faces get up on the stage. I knew a few bad things that happened to them, but I never knew their whole story. I learned so much about them, and it truly opened my mind and took away pretty much every part of me that has been judgmental. By the end of student panel, with over 24 remaining hours in the weekend, I already felt myself changed by their stories. While cross the line seems like just a fun game to many, it truly touched me. Many of the things that some of my peers crossed for truly surprised me, and many even saddened me. Even though it made me sad, in a way it made me happy, too. With the progression of the weekend, I began feeling less and less alone, which has always been a very familiar feeling to me. Community sharing is the thing that got me the most emotional. Hearing the stories of many people were quite shocking. I find this to be the even I got the most out of, though. Sharing my feelings with people and letting people into my life has always been a huge problem for me, especially face to face. I decided I would probably benefit from getting up there and sharing my story, and I sure did, especially by breaking the ice by going first at night session. I wasn’t sure what exactly I expected to get out of sharing, but I truly got a lot. It made me feel more accepted by my peers, because now I know that if someone likes me they’ll like me for me, all my now-known problems included. Sharing also knocked down many walls for me, and I find communicating to be a much easier task.
At first I was a bit nervous about family group, just because I knew I’d end up with people I didn’t really know. I ended up loving my family group #10 though: Kristen, Tamara, Raquelle, Allie, Nicolette, Drew, Brianna, Miles, and Peggy. I’d liked my family group from the first meeting we had, but at the end I really grew to like them so much more. The activity where we wrote three things about each other and put them into their envelopes really made me feel good. All the comments I got were nice, and I also got pretty many times, and that made me happy considering this weekend I wore no makeup and had my hair in a messy bun the entire time. The final group meeting with the candle activity and sharing how we felt about each other really touched me. Hearing all these nice things my group members thought about me made me feel so great about myself. Telling people how I felt also helped my communication skills, because like sharing things about me, I’ve also always been very bad about expressing how I feel about others. I feel as though I built a connection with these people, and I can definitely see myself being friends with these people.
Overall, I can’t even explain how much I got out of this weekend. I know for sure this will be a weekend I will never forget, and I look forward to the next three awareness weekends in the remaining year and a half of high school. This weekend, I gained a new perspective, opened my mind, learned so much about so many people, gained new friends, got so much off my chest, learned to open up to people, got a self esteem boost, had so much fun, learned to appreciate everything, and most importantly, I knocked down walls and built bridges.

Monday, November 16, 2009

high on life? yes.

I can't explain how great it feels to know I'm getting my life in order, and actually feel the changes. It feels great to know I'm in charge of me, and to actually benefit from the decisions I make.

Today is great.
- No Cohen-Willard. No Rizzo. No Robins.
- Nice talk with Mr. McGowan
- Productive
- Trip next Tuesday
- 94.38!
- 10 days.
- McGowan told me he could see me being a psychologist even before I told him I'd considered being one.

As I told McGowan today, it's funny watching people walk in your past footsteps. It's actually kind of sad at the same time too, though. But mostly, it just makes you want to point and laugh. I love being reassured about myself.

I am absolutely, positively, one-hundred-ten percent on top of the world.


Friday, November 13, 2009

100th post!

Hola, one-hundredth blog post :]
I love rainy Fridays. My thoughts are all random and racing around today.
-I'm suddenly really excited for the future. I'm not exactly sure all the aspects I'm excited for, but I'm excited.
-I'm making it my goal to get into NHS. It's going to happen.
-Christmas is in 42 days!
-I'm so excited about my 96 on the pre-calc quarterly. That no joke made my day.
-I love TWLOHA day. I got Allie to do it, and I saw one other person with it.

I think I'm going to color tonight. Something pretty. :]

13 days <3



Thursday, November 12, 2009

chop suey

I can't even explain it but I am in the best mood ever. I feel so calm and happy and at peace with myself. I have a million random thoughts racing around my head, I guess I'll just attempt to jot random bits and pieces of it down the best I can.

- I can't believe it's already second quarter. I'm really excited for this quarter though; I can feel that this is going to be my quarter to prove everyone, including myself, wrong. I can and will do this, just wait and see.
- Awareness Weekend is so soon. As much as I really am tired of arguing about it, I still am so excited. I'm eager to see if it really is as powerful as an event as everyone says it is.
- Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Thought I've never been much of a family person, it is nice to actually have a family now--whether I really like them much all the time or not.
- I can't believe my anniversary is in fourteen days! I never thought I'd ever make a year with anyone without them getting sick of me or vice versa. I'm excited, thought I don't know exactly what I'm going to do yet. Whatever I do decide on, though, will be special of course.
- After Thanksgiving the Christmas season officially starts: enough said.
- I'm really enjoying my nail polish
- I'm so glad I found my hair gel
- Highlighters make note-taking so much more fun
- I really like System Of A Down and Sublime
- Tomorrow is TWLOHA day. I love these, they remind me of my progress and motivate me

LALALA random thoughts.
:)

Monday, November 9, 2009

changes

Things change. But it's hard to stop and realize exactly how quickly they do so. The most subtle details that you never notice at the moment can completely alter something, so much that you can't even remember what it was like beforehand anymore. It's sometimes to the point where everything behind you seems surreal. At least for me, anyway.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

lock and key

If anything is more capable than anything of opening my mind, it is a good book. I especially love books because reading someone's writing is the one way to really get into someone's mind, even if it is just a fictional character. Sure, there are little tidbits here and there that can give you clues to who someone is, but truly reading and absorbing each and every word is what allows you to read between the lines and get to know someone. The weird thing is that while getting to know someone else through their writing, you kinda get to know yourself more too.

Things suck, they always do in one way or another. But your outlook is what determines it all. Is the glass half empty, or is the glass half full? I'm trying to look at life with the view that the glass is half full. I think it kind of helps.

This up and down melodramatic adventure called life has been exceptionally exciting for me lately; I can't even explain it. For once I'm actually following the statement "Rome wasn't built in a day." While routine and planning is still crucial, spontaneous activity is also quite a thrill. Because that's what life is all about, not knowing what's next, and knowing that it can really be anything. You can wake up tomorrow and have everything be completely different than today. Many of the unpredictable out-of-plan things are generally not even matters brought on by ourselves, but the great thing is: this life, is all your own. So why not live it to the fullest extent possible? Take risks. Do things you never thought you would. Add that crazy twist to your life, because it's all your own, regardless of how the actions of others interfere. No two stories are identical.

Through all of these realizations, hormonal roller coasters, and total shifts back and forth between views, I feel as if I've been slowly finding myself. Of course I'm not too sure, and that's okay, but I'm content in knowing that somewhere, in the midst of all these bumps in the road, lies my inner being, just waiting to show itself.


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

so you run and you run


My head is ready to explode with all this work. I have:
- a critical lens essay due tomorrow
- chapter ID's & questions due tomorrow (DONE)
- to read the rest of chapter 15 by tomorrow
- physics packet due Thursday
- Andrew Jackson web page due Thursday
- Two or three essay rewrites due Thursday/Friday (1 DONE)
- transportation revolution essay due Friday
- 10 scrapbook articles due Friday (7 DONE)
and that's only what I know of at this point.
D:

I've been analyzing life a lot. The way things happen. The way people come; the way people go. The way we try to discover ourselves; the way we think we've got ourselves all figured out. It's just weird -- all of it. Yet somehow it meshes together and forms this perfectly imperfect thing called life.



CARPE DIEM.