fly away

I want to rip my skin off and break free; I want to just run as far as I can. I feel weak. This sucks.



Confession: I wish things were different.

though the days were never dull

Words are not coming easily this evening. My chest kind of hurts; I don't know why. I'm growing more and more excited for moving out of here in less than two years. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't.

For some bizzarre reason I feel a bit stressed. I don't even know if I have anything to be stressed about. I don't know much anymore, the days are kind of drifting by with emotions that absolutely contradict each other.




Confession: I wish I was stronger.

Currently listening to
Finger Eleven - One Thing

secrets.

self torture

For real. Not sure why I do it, but I always seem to. I'd probably be pleasantly sleeping right now if it weren't for my brilliant idea to take a three hour nap.

On an even more negative note, the fact that I don't really care about how religion shaped the colonies doesn't matter because I still have to write an essay about it. I hope that everyone in the class except me gives up on these stupid summer assignments and I win some serious points for doing them or something.

Summer needs to chill and slow down a bit. I don't want August to get here, cause then that means it's almost September. No bueno.

To avoid making this completely world's smallest violin worthy, I suppose a drop of humor wouldn't hurt.



Goodnight.

and everybody will ask what became of you

I've been on adventure lately. I'm on an adventure to discover something great, something absolutely mind blowing. I'm going to discover something worth finding, something absolutely beautiful in all the best ways. Myself.



I know they say it takes people until they're well past their teens to truly create themselves, but since I've got some time to go before then I think I'm just going to work on the foundation: my teenage self. Summer always does this to me. I've always tried to search for what I wanna be, but in the end it somehow ends up just mirroring someone else. This time, luckily, is different. I'm feeling somewhat successful with this, though I've still got a bit left to go.



I'm getting better with opening up, however I think I need to expand that beyond one person. Of course, he'll always get to get the whole story and know everything, but perhaps things would be better for me if I weren't so closed off. I'd always been open about all the wrong things. I think I have some stuff to work on.



I'm glad I had the guts to bring stuff up. I've realized I really do need to start giving my all. I have been today, as a start, and it's already feeling a ton better.

Happiness is coming naturally to me today. It actually has been lately. I'm improving at filtering my emotions and deciding what's worth getting upset over and what's not.

I love life. I really do.
I have great things in store for me, you'll see.

Currently listening to:
Death Cab For Cutie - Grapevine Fires

scream your heart out

Have you ever sat back and really analyzed people? Regardless of how much people really all seem the same, they're not. Their books may have almost the same cover, and their content may flow similarly, but if you look deep into every word of each chapter they each have their own story. I want to read someone's story. Not just little chapter summaries from sparknotes, I want to read the entire story from cover to cover. Maybe they can read mine, too.



I often wish I could drive.
I just want to go away somewhere.
Not forever, not even for long, just for a bit.
Just drive and drive until I don't know where I am anymore.
Just see what else there is out there.
Venture into the places I've yet to explore.



I'm desperate for something new. I'm really not sure what, just something. I just need the feeling of doing something different. I just need to live a bit.




I want to fly away.


I want to experience all that there is out there for me.


I want to be free

Currently listening to:
The Medic Droid - Fer Sure

i'm alive

Though my leg hurts to the point where walking is nearly impossible,
my AC doesn't like to make my room cold anymore,
and I really need to exercise,
I feel on top of the world. Life's good.



Currently listening to:
Linkin Park - New Divide

dreaming in digital

Have you ever listened to a song and felt exactly the way you did the first time you heard it?
It's kind of weird how a simple song can do that;
just a few sloppy chords on an old acoustic guitar can completely bring back feelings you thought were obselete many months ago.
Who ever knew all it took to spiritually relive your favorite memories were a few simple songs?



My mind is quite the adventurous one this morning.



Currently listening to:
10 Years - Wasteland

dear world,

Contrary to popular belief,
you do not have to look like an emaciated little boy to be attractive.
Your ribs don't have to be protruding your stomach,
and you don't need a mile of space between your thighs.
Looking like you need to eat a steak doesn't make you any more beautiful;
being able to love yourself the way you are makes you beautiful.

no words to describe

Sorry Webster, your dictionary doesn't even have the right words I'm looking for.

Currently listening to:
Ever We Fall - No Words To Describe